How to not write a letter to your paying customers

Yesterday, I received an email from Boxee, which was recently acquired by Samsung. It’s one of the worst written emails from a company that I ever received (and I get plenty of email!).

Let’s have a look at what’s wrong with it.

Subject: Boxee team to join Samsung

Well, that’s informative enough but it really doesn’t say why I should care. Well, reading on…

We’re pleased to announce that the Boxee team will be joining Samsung.

Thanks for not saying hi first. Makes me feel really well taken care of. And great that you’re pleased. I still don’t care.

Samsung is the #1 consumer electronics company in the world. They produce all of the screens we watch entertainment on – TVs, laptops, phones, and tablets.

Go Samsung. I still have no clue why I should care, tho.

We’re excited to collaborate with Samsung on how each of these devices can deliver a more integrated TV experience.

What does that even mean? Exactly, it means nothing, except that likely they won’t support the device I BOUGHT from them anymore.

We’re working behind the scenes to ensure there’s minimal impact to your Boxee Box during this process.

TL;DR: We’ll sell not caring, supporting or doing anything with our existing customers as “minimal impact”. Those stupid idiots should have known what they’re getting themselves into. #lolcustomers

The Boxee Box holds a special place in our heart as the first device we built. It was the first living room device to have a keyboard on the back of the remote. It was also the first XBMC-based set top box to be sold at major retailers. It’s the device that really launched Boxee on the world stage, and we want to thank you for being a part of our journey.

Blah, Blah, part of our journey, blah, blah. Note how they’re talking about the product in the past tense. I bought a product from you that barely works and now you’re saying to go fuck myself. Awesome.

Sincerely,
Team Boxee

Sincerly,
Boxee Customer

Why don’t they just say that their business didn’t work out and they have to close it down and go work for Samsung? I’d be sad for them and understand. Why lie to their customers? Does that make them feel better? Do the VCs require it from them?